something to offend everyone
Posted: Mon 14 May 2012 8:19 pm
1. The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table
when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no
reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
2. When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying that they
wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What
a pair of sexist twits. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the
bloody thing!
3. Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six
people in the bum in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be
following some kind of pattern.
4. Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat
it!
5. A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break
and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry
and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and
says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their
pick nicked."
6. Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'm sending
a voicemail ya thick sod!"
7. Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the
head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
8. 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
9. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world,
swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came
as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no
reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
2. When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying that they
wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What
a pair of sexist twits. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the
bloody thing!
3. Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six
people in the bum in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be
following some kind of pattern.
4. Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat
it!
5. A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break
and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry
and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and
says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their
pick nicked."
6. Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'm sending
a voicemail ya thick sod!"
7. Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the
head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
8. 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
9. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world,
swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came
as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.