Kibkom North Cyprus Forum

Late night my big bruvver sent me an e mail asking me to comment on the attachment which was upside down. Unfortunately the Wildebeest (bless her) caught me standing on my desk with one foot each side of the PC keyboard thingy, bent over with bum towards the PC screen, knees pulled apart by both hands, head between my legs to look at the screen, and in readiness for the bedroom wearing nothing other than underpants. I was taken to task for "lewd and disgusting" behaviour and allocated the garden shed to sleep in (again). By the early hours of the morning I concluded that my big bruvver was a complete idiot as he chooses to live within gunshot range of Manchester, thank goodness Wilde did not find me in Skype Video contact with my former PA/secretary, the PC wizard Keith Caley would have been able to rearrange the upside down script at the touch of a key or two, and that as it was "dawning" on me, that I could have printed the attachment then reversed it to read the right way up. Big mistake using the printer at Oh Christ Hundred Hours in the morning as it awoke Wilde and I now have sore ears to contend with when I try and watch three football matches on TV, that is if I can keep my eyes open !

I must say i do look forward to your posts on here they always make me laugh

Speaking as one who shares your obviously masterly expertise in all things IT, can I ask why it did not occur to you simply to hold the computer upside down

Rose, please behave. I cannot do masterful, expertise, nor intelligence. My hands were holding my legs open so what was I supposed to lift up the monitor with ? Will power or something similar ?

Well, if you had only thought to stand on your head, your hands would have been free so you could have held the computer upside down with them - except of course then, the pic would still have been the wrong way up - oh well, back to the drawing board.

deputydawg and Rambling Rose will you both please stop it. Think I have cracked a rib laughing !!!

Saw the Title and tough what's this..... who else but DD, I should have known..... very funny as usual

Tell you what, DD, since you are such a perfect gentleman and so kind and tender to your womenfolk, I'll give you a hand. E mail the attachment to me and I will turn MY PC upside down and then send it back to you.

Thanks to the fact that you are all 'nuts', my life is made bearable.

Rambling Rose. So kind of you to under estimate my incompetence with all modern things which are an unbelievable aid to communications. I can print and scan things but I have no idea how to make them into a document to save. I would not dare to e mail you, or anyone else, a copy of the attachment, as I believe the next occurrence will be my big bruvver being arrested for contaminating radio signal airwaves. Suffice to say it was a spoof copy of the minutes of Manchester City Council discussing a bid for the 2016 Olympics. It was racist and offensive enough to cause Bernard Manning to squirm in his grave. Please do not worry regarding Wilde. I promised her parents I would look after her so we could marry at age 16. I love her to bits, and she has looked after me ever since !

Blue Butterfly. So very nice that you flutterby with a smile. So sorry that you did not get your fair share of the delicious sausages but, at the least, your generosity has ensured that you maintain the ability to get airborne !

Only joking, DD, your true feelings for Wilde shine through, which is why it is possible to be flippant without offence - hopefully

As for your technological competance, I was judging you be myself and thought I had found a fellow sufferer. Its all the incomprehensible questions the dammed thing keeps asking that get to me. I never quite recovered from being asked if I wanted to burn a CD. Why the ***** should I want to set fire to my favourite music.
I have never quite got over the fear that if I click on the wrong icon , the whole dratted thing will burst into flames.

DD, I wasn't being generous, it's just that the b,,,,r is faster than me.

Rambling Rose. My chapter as a geriatric, gymnast PC user is now closed. My former PA (I call her "Spanner") has by Skype shown me the right buttons. Right click on mouse then click away on "rotate document" until aligned. The lady also knows what button to press to abort a Skype connection as I lost picture and sound in the middle of singing to her "You spin me right round baby, like a record, you spin me ......................"
Blue Butterfly. Will this help ? Take 6 sausages. Quick fry 2 in syrup of figs and slow cook 4 with your other favourite foods. Give your hubby the 2 quick fried sausages under the guise of "a delicious Geordie starter". He should soon be on the throne long enough for you to have sufficient time to enjoy the slow cooked 4 sausages. In the event that this adversely affects his mood as well as his daily routine please remember my yellow streak and advise him that you think the recipe came from our font of all knowledge, the helpful Keith Caley (I think I will be soon running our of places to hide.)

Hello deputydawg,

Sorry for the belated reply but things to do, people to see.

Thank you for your advice re the Geordie starter, which, I am afraid, came just a little too late, the last sausage being long since consumed. But I will keep your advice in mind and maybe try it out after Christmas, when my pal will be returning from the UK, hopefully, with a good few kilos of the said sausages.

Having said that, to be honest DD, and this is strictly between you and me, I doubt very much whether the syrup of figs would have had much affect, on tuesday evening, having watched in amazement as the hubby consumed 9 figs, 4 prickly pears and 2 peaches and then sauntered off happily to the coffee shop clutching a carrier bag full of at least 5kilos of passion fruit, [GENEROUSLY DONATED BY FELLOW MEMBER COMPASS]

These to share with his 3 best friends, AND, apparently, believed by the locals, to have the same affects as Viagra.


We, ie the 2 cats and myself, waited with a mixture of hope,[viagra affect]that was me, and fear, [the cats] as they get the blame, naturally, for any foul odour that may occur in the small studio that we call home.

Said hubby duly arrived, decided on a late cold supper of melon and hellim cheese, and then promptly fell into a contented and sound free sleep.

Sorry to be so longwinded, no pun intended, but I hope in some way this explains why I think a couple of spoonfuls of syrup of figs would be ineffective.

Blue Butterfly. My word, I think your challenge to gain a fair share of the sausages "when the boat comes in" has been seriously underestimated. Are you dealing with the Incredible Hulk who cannot be tamed even when his nether regions are tightly gripped by two heavy duty G clamps ? Amendment to recipe. Place 2 sausages in a 4 gallon stew pot filled with syrup of figs, 1lb of crushed Senna Pods, 1 lb of chilli powder, 1 lb of vindaloo curry powder, and (optional) crushed viagra tablets. Stew slowly with all windows of house open and fire extinguisher to hand. Serve it all in the pot accompanied by a 6" ladle which is capable of resisting caustic damage. For belt and braces, so to speak, expend 2 tubes of super glue onto the toilet seat and into the keyhole of the toilet door lock. If it works, patent the mixture with the Yanks as a cheaper and more effective alternative to Napalm Bombs !

Brilliant Thread.
Who needs comedy on the teli when we have KibKom ! entertainment at its best.

Blue Butterfly: Do you have two toilets in your property and/or VERY friendly and accommodating neighbours? If not, I suggest, for your own convenience ( you think very carefully before adopting the above advice, particularly the penultimate sentence.

Well, thank you all for taking an interest, no Rambling Rose, we don't have 2 toilets in our humble abode, the last time there was an urgency and the one was in use, I told him to go down to the one in the centre, near the mosque, the next day the door of the said toilet was missing and the Imam was seen to be looking quite ill. I didn't ask.

DD, thank you for your advice, but honestly, I don't think your recipe, no matter how lethal sounding, would have an affect.

I firmly believe that it is all down to over 30 years of his mother's cooking, being a traditional village person, she cooks everything, edible or otherwise, leaves, flowers, roots, in fact, if it doesn't run away, she will cook it, her motto, roughly translated, 'shut up and eat it, it's free'.

I am willing to bet, should he be tested, he has probably aquired immunity to, beri beri, typhus and bubonic plague,to name but a few and, in the event, God forbid, of an nuclear attack, he and maybe a few cockroaches, would still be standing.

Ah well, all quiet at the moment, hubby having had his supper of chocolate spread and edam cheese, he does occasionally like to try 'foreign food'.

I wish you all a peaceful goodnight.xx