2021 Oscars
Posted: Mon 15 Mar 2021 4:25 pm
Is it me or do the films get worse every year?
This years best films are as follows
The Father
Starring Anthony Hopkins. Basically a film about dementia. Very worthy but tbh if I wanted to watch an elderly person who’s memory is shot to pieces I have elderly relatives I can Skype.
Judas and the Black Messiah
A film about the head of the Black Panthers, Fred Hampton who was killed in suspicious circumstances by the police. Very on trend and after they have made some stuff up and turned Hampton into a mix of Gandhi and Martin Luther King it should be a contender.
Mank
A black and white film about 1930s Hollywood. I will give it a miss because we never had a colour tv until I was 12 and I object to them making films in black and white to make them more atmospheric. Why not go the whole hog and have them silent and we can all hire an organist to play along with the film? I have a colour tv I want a colour film.
Minari
A Korean American family moves to an Arkansas farm in search of its own American dream. Sounds gripping!
After the success of Parasite, Hollywood is going to flog the Korean angle to its limits.
Let’s be honest it’s going to be subtitles, which involves me getting up and watching the tv from a foot away and calling out the translations to head office. You aren’t watching a film you are reading it. Generally the book is better than the film so if you can’t be bothered you watch the film instead of reading the book.
A film 90% in subtitles is the worst of both worlds.
I know if it is two Germans or two Chinese People they won’t be speaking in English to each other but just have them put on a dodgy accent and use English.
We can make the leap of imagination that they are really speaking another language without straining our eyes or me crippling my knees.
Nomadland
A woman in her sixties going across the American West in a trailer.
If I say it stars Frances McDormand you should get the gist. It’s this year attempt to win her another Oscar.
It will be a beautifully shot film with lots of dialogue for Frances which we will all say was beautifully acted but watching it will be the longest two hours of our year.
Like all the best film nominations will earn about ten quid at the box office and I guarantee no one will ever watch it twice.
I liken her as the female Daniel Day Lewis. Undoubtedly talented has a shelf of Oscars and has yet to make a film that actually entertains anyone. Day Lewis is currently filming the life of a grapefruit. As part of his research he is actually living in a fruit bowl for a month.
Promising Young Woman
A woman spends her nights feigning drunkenness in clubs, allowing men to take her to their homes, and revealing her sobriety when they try to take advantage of her.
I think it is going to be a Death Wish type film but with a woman being Charles Bronson. I give it 5 years before we have Death Wish the musical in Korean.
Sound of Metal
A heavy metal drummer going deaf. It’s been out 4 months and made $100,000. I’m not saying a good film necessarily has to outsell Avatar but I think me and Erol filming our own version of the odd couple on a smartphone could sell more tickets.
The Trial of the Chicago 7
Seen this and it’s not bad. You kind of have to overlook it’s about some young professional demonstrators who when they grew up a bit became more establishment than the establishment they are rebelling against but it’s on trend and is woke enough to get votes.
So all very worthy and none that will make a dime at the box office or you will ever watch twice.
It will give the Hollywood mob an opportunity to be holier than thou and feel virtuous enough to include diversity and climate change in their speeches as they have a black steward serving them drinks on the private jet they caught to attend.
I’ll not cover the best actor or actress because they will be won by Andra Day, black and not won an Oscar before, and Chadwick Boseman, black not won an Oscar before and dead.
I would put my entire savings on Chadwick winning tbh. For actress you might want to put an each way bet on Viola Davis.
Interestingly neither is in a film that got nominated for best film in tbf not a stellar line up.
But they do like to share the Oscars around. That way you get duped into watching an Oscar winning film even though it won one Oscar for on-set catering.
Best director will be either Lee Isaac Chung or Chloe Zhao. Oriental and not won before. So it ticks the diversity and it’s your turn boxes. Plus their films really need the boost or an Oscar.
So my predictions are for film, Judas and the Black Messiah or The Trial of the Chicago 7.
Main acting awards Andra Day and Chadwick Boseman.
Director, Lee Isaac Chung or Chloe Zhao
This years best films are as follows
The Father
Starring Anthony Hopkins. Basically a film about dementia. Very worthy but tbh if I wanted to watch an elderly person who’s memory is shot to pieces I have elderly relatives I can Skype.
Judas and the Black Messiah
A film about the head of the Black Panthers, Fred Hampton who was killed in suspicious circumstances by the police. Very on trend and after they have made some stuff up and turned Hampton into a mix of Gandhi and Martin Luther King it should be a contender.
Mank
A black and white film about 1930s Hollywood. I will give it a miss because we never had a colour tv until I was 12 and I object to them making films in black and white to make them more atmospheric. Why not go the whole hog and have them silent and we can all hire an organist to play along with the film? I have a colour tv I want a colour film.
Minari
A Korean American family moves to an Arkansas farm in search of its own American dream. Sounds gripping!
After the success of Parasite, Hollywood is going to flog the Korean angle to its limits.
Let’s be honest it’s going to be subtitles, which involves me getting up and watching the tv from a foot away and calling out the translations to head office. You aren’t watching a film you are reading it. Generally the book is better than the film so if you can’t be bothered you watch the film instead of reading the book.
A film 90% in subtitles is the worst of both worlds.
I know if it is two Germans or two Chinese People they won’t be speaking in English to each other but just have them put on a dodgy accent and use English.
We can make the leap of imagination that they are really speaking another language without straining our eyes or me crippling my knees.
Nomadland
A woman in her sixties going across the American West in a trailer.
If I say it stars Frances McDormand you should get the gist. It’s this year attempt to win her another Oscar.
It will be a beautifully shot film with lots of dialogue for Frances which we will all say was beautifully acted but watching it will be the longest two hours of our year.
Like all the best film nominations will earn about ten quid at the box office and I guarantee no one will ever watch it twice.
I liken her as the female Daniel Day Lewis. Undoubtedly talented has a shelf of Oscars and has yet to make a film that actually entertains anyone. Day Lewis is currently filming the life of a grapefruit. As part of his research he is actually living in a fruit bowl for a month.
Promising Young Woman
A woman spends her nights feigning drunkenness in clubs, allowing men to take her to their homes, and revealing her sobriety when they try to take advantage of her.
I think it is going to be a Death Wish type film but with a woman being Charles Bronson. I give it 5 years before we have Death Wish the musical in Korean.
Sound of Metal
A heavy metal drummer going deaf. It’s been out 4 months and made $100,000. I’m not saying a good film necessarily has to outsell Avatar but I think me and Erol filming our own version of the odd couple on a smartphone could sell more tickets.
The Trial of the Chicago 7
Seen this and it’s not bad. You kind of have to overlook it’s about some young professional demonstrators who when they grew up a bit became more establishment than the establishment they are rebelling against but it’s on trend and is woke enough to get votes.
So all very worthy and none that will make a dime at the box office or you will ever watch twice.
It will give the Hollywood mob an opportunity to be holier than thou and feel virtuous enough to include diversity and climate change in their speeches as they have a black steward serving them drinks on the private jet they caught to attend.
I’ll not cover the best actor or actress because they will be won by Andra Day, black and not won an Oscar before, and Chadwick Boseman, black not won an Oscar before and dead.
I would put my entire savings on Chadwick winning tbh. For actress you might want to put an each way bet on Viola Davis.
Interestingly neither is in a film that got nominated for best film in tbf not a stellar line up.
But they do like to share the Oscars around. That way you get duped into watching an Oscar winning film even though it won one Oscar for on-set catering.
Best director will be either Lee Isaac Chung or Chloe Zhao. Oriental and not won before. So it ticks the diversity and it’s your turn boxes. Plus their films really need the boost or an Oscar.
So my predictions are for film, Judas and the Black Messiah or The Trial of the Chicago 7.
Main acting awards Andra Day and Chadwick Boseman.
Director, Lee Isaac Chung or Chloe Zhao
